Bags of Broccoli and Beth Moore

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

At some point in every day I pull a blank index card off of my dresser and write.
My pen moves without stopping until I have filled up the card.  
Sometimes the words strike me as beautiful and poetic.  
Other days the ideas are jumbled.  
But to be completely honest, usually the cards get covered in thoughts that are just plain odd.


Like this little gem from a couple of weeks ago:


If I ever get to thinking that I have my life together, I have this note card.
A tiny rectangle on which I compare myself to a poked-up bag of steaming broccoli to serve as a reminder 
that I am nothing more than a strange little messy heart held together by the hands of a gracious and merciful God.

When I wrote this bizarre little comparison it didn't seem particularly noteworthy.
I added it to the stack of other cards and forgot all about it.

It didn't cross my mind until this past week.
I was at the CCV Inspire Women summer study of
Beth Moore's "Mercy Triumphs".


Before I came to this study I decided I was going to sit by women I didn't know.
I sat next to a few friendly looking women and we talked.
A mother and a daughter.  Two older ladies who had been friends for years.
They were warm and sweet and I was glad I decided to meet them.

The lights dimmed.
The video started.

"Our journey with James does not begin in the letters he wrote but with a plan that God wrote.
Part of God's infinte genius appears in how such humanness can play into the divine story."

J a m e s
A brother of Jesus.
A skeptic of Christ.

His story begins with belief.
Not belief in the divinity of Jesus but rather wholehearted conviction that Jesus was "out of his mind".

Jesus addresses James as he radically restructures the idea of family:
natural family added to disciples then subtracted to create spiritual family and then added back again.
When we are in Jesus, our family does not shrink, our family grows.

It was by g r a c e that James became what James became.
God's grace is never without effect.

"without effect" in Greek is kenos-
empty, vain, ineffective, hollow
Every hole makes a space for God to fill with His grace.
Will I let my holes sit hollow or will I allow them to be filled?
God wants to fill them.

Nothing but Christ's tomb is meant to remain e m p t y.


Before Beth was done speaking, I was in tears.
giant-lump-in-my-throat-runny-nose-smeared-mascara-tears.

I let them splash on my workbook.
Digi-Beth looked me dead in the eyes, pointed to me and passionately declared, "God has not forgotten you, Sister!"

In that moment everyone else was gone.
It was Beth and me and the Holy Spirit.
She spoke about the holes in my heart:
wounds,
some self-inflicted and some inflicted by others,
that gape open
raw and painful,
empty and hollow.
She spoke about how Jesus plan is for those holes to be filled by God's grace.
With a lump in her own throat, Beth looked at me and told me it was my choice to live with those dark, empty, hollow holes in my heart or to allow God to work in my life and fill them.

She saw me.

She knew.

Beth Moore called me what I was:
a bag of broccoli,
transparent and cellophane-thin,
 full of holes.

I am.

I don't ever want to pretend that I'm not.


So, Beth, my dear friend that doesn't know I exist, yes.
Just yes.
Yes to filling these wounds until they are 
brimming with grace,
spilling over with mercy,
testifying of the transforming power of a tender God.




2 comments:

  1. Love this Mindy, it is so much of what God is teaching me through a completely different venue. Our God is so good. This study sounds amazing, I can't wait to hear more about what God is speaking into your heart. You are such a great encouragement.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Duana! Agreed! God is so good!
      We've got to get together and talk...sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who feels this way. :)

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